If you're not "on Twitter," you should be. If you are, follow this guy:
shitmydadsays "I'm 28. I live with my 73-year-old dad. He is awesome. I just write down shit that he says."
Example "Tweet": “You touched that god damned biscuit. Bullshit, I saw you touch it….I don’t give a shit about your evidence, this isn’t a court of law."